NICU and Week 1

Penelope was 5 pounds and 14 ounces.
Meredith was 6 pounds and 1 ounce.
Sophia was 6 pounds and 14 ounces!

Tuesday, after they were born the girls were rushed off to the NICU. I got to see one of the girls, Penelope, for just a minute. All the girls initially needed CPAP assistance breathing and they got NG tubes. Penelope came off first after only about an hour or 2, her sisters had to remain on all if it for closer to 24 hours.

After I got done in recovery (5 whole hours post surgery) my sweet nurses arranged for me to roll (huge bed and all) into the NICU to see my girls. I was very emotional. I only got to glimpse art Meredith in her isolette. The NICU nurse caught me completely off guard and actually handed me Sophia to hold. I cried years of pure joy.

It felt like forever until I got feeling enough to move around. I wanted out of that bed and into the NICU so bad I thought I was never going to make it. I had to pass the time with pictures that people took. It was heartbreaking to be the last one to see and touch my own babies. I finally made my way down there around 8, but want even able to get out of my wheelchair. The babies were all still over stimulated so at the nurse's advice I didn't hold then again that night. I made sure I pumped every 2-3 hours.

Wednesday we got up early and went to the NICU. Jeremiah went down and had breakfast while I sat with our girls. All the girls were now breathing on their own and had no more NG tubes. They were also all holding their temperatures perfectly. I finally got to hold Meredith and Penelope. The doctors gave very good reports. Bilirubin levels have to come down more and the girls have to learn to eat better in order to come home. The bilirubin was low enough to not need phototherapy, but still elevated enough to hold them in the NICU. We spent the day between the NICU, pumping, and sleeping.

Thursday was pretty much a repeat of the same. Meredith needed a new IV put in so the nurse snuck her over to snuggle with me and Sophia. My friend Morgan came and took some photos of the girls for us. Lactation said that Meredith has a lip tie and it was preventing her from latching on, but because she can take a bottle it was not severe enough for them to clip it. All the girls have murmers and we are taking a wait and see approach since the doctors estimate about a week more here. Penelope and Sophia kind of latch on, but they struggle to keep it. They said bottles and continuing to pump would be the fastest way to get them home at this point. I am leaving in 2 days with or without them, so I want to do whatever it takes to get them home.

Friday we went and delivered milk and had breakfast before returning to the NICU for a while. The girls were doing well enough they were able to start wearing clothes and they all were in 1 crib together instead off the isolettes! The bilirubin is continuing to go down, just very slowly. They are supplementing formula with my breast milk. The girls have really picked up eating. I am still pumping, but its very little coming out, I get a lot more by hand expressing. It takes twice as long to hand express though. It was another day of NICU time, eat, sleep, and pump. Friday night my milk really came in and I started pumping ounces quickly. Every pump almost doubled in volume.

Saturday was a very sad day for me. I hated the thought of leaving my girls, even though after more than 6 weeks I was so sick of the hospital. To make matters worse after lunch the nurse practitioner said that 2 of the girls had very bad sounding murmurs and needed echocardiograms done, Sophia's murmur was completely gone. Felicia and Dilip drove in to see the girls and we spent a few hours together. We stayed longer than planned to get the girls through their echos, but the results would take hours to overnight to come in. I cried so hard leaving my tiny little girls all alone in the big hospital. As I pulled up to my house I saw all the flowers my family planted and the beautiful bows my husband's grandmother made and my heart was calm. Allen was standing at the door with a sign that said welcome home the momma. I have never seen him so happy. All he wanted was his momma. I snuggled and played with him. He was so happy. I slept in the recliner to keep my pump and all handy, especially since I could not climb into my bed without extreme pain.

Sunday we had to go in to do CPR and NICU discharge classes. We spent all day there between that and enjoying the girls. Meredith has a PFO and a PDA murmur and Penelope has a PFO murmur. Both of those types of murmurs should clear up on their own as the girls grow. We finished all our training and headed home. Allen was super happy to have momma home.

Monday morning we loaded up to go and get my girls. The big day was here and they were coming home. Allen cried so bad, he didn't want momma to leave. We got to the hospitalto feed and change the girls in time for photos, but there was a mix up and no photographer was scheduled by the hospital. :( We were not going to wait until 2pm (3 hours after our appointment was supposed to be.) We changed the girls into going home outfits and poached all their stuff. I got all the paperwork signed and we loaded the girls into our big stroller to head home. We got quite the stares, questions, and comments going out. The most upsetting thing was people pulling out their phones and taking our pictures without asking. One of them was even a hospital employee.

We made it home safe and sound. Allen was so excited and wanted his babies right away. We let him hold then with or help and just enjoyed our first evening together at home. The girls did not sleep very well at all, we think it was all the formula they got in the hospital. They had upset tummies. Me and Natalie had such a very very long night.

Triplets Birth 7/22/14

The birth of the triplets was no where near the experience I was hoping for.

I was told that around 7 am someone would come to my room and prepare me there for surgery. I would be ready and in the operating room around 8 am. That surgery would not be rushed and no one was booked after me so we would have plenty of time.

Then 6:30 I woke up and went to the bathroom. I had just finished in the bathroom and woke Jerimiah up so he could eat and get ready when 2 nurses came into my room. They put me in a wheelchair and took me away before either of us realized what was going on. They told him to meet us in triage as they wheeled me out.

About 20 minutes later Jerimiah caught up with me. I had been stripped down and put on the NST monitor. The anesthesia people came in again. Then the doctor came in. I was not sure about tubal ligation and the doctor said that he wouldn't do it unless I was 100% sure I wanted it done. The nurses shaved me and continued to monitor the babies until my stretcher was rolled out towards the OR. Jerimiah was given scrubs to put on while they started my spinal block.

I was in the OR by 7:50. They had me move tables and lean over so the anesthesiologist could access my back. The small pinch of the needle numbing it is a lie. It burned and stung sooooo bad. I felt the bigger needle going in. Apparently they had my height wrong by 2 inches and my spinal went to high. I am 5 foot 4 inches and they had me as 5 foot 6 inches. As soon as the spinal went in the anesthesiologist started yelling move move move, lay down now. I tried to move as far as I could as tingles took over my body. I breathed for the first time in months, but that was short lived. I lost the ability to breath within minutes of laying down. I was trying to scream, but no sound would come out. I was terrified and Jerimiah was not there. They put a pressurized oxygen mask on me that pumped air into my lungs.

Break from the birth story a moment to let everyone know that I have had recurring dreams of dying in the operating room during birth, so at this point panic was so extreme I was really freaking out and alone.

The mask was breathing for me, but I could not feel it. I was still panicked. At 8:09 am the anesthesiology team started screaming for Dr. Harden to come in. I only knew the time because they were shouting out times for the record. It felt like hours that I couldn't breath. I screamed for Jerimiah. I needed him and he wasn't there either.

I tried to count but had no concept of time. Its funny how not breathing (or rather feeling like your not breathing) messes with your perception of time passing. Dr. Harden comes in at some point and they tell him what was going on with my spinal and he immediately starts to work. They taped up my stomach I remembered felt them tape it to my shoulders. My shoulders tingled but were not completely numb. It felt like painful pins and needles running up and down my arms.

Jerimiah finally came in. He had this horrified look on his face and I find out it is because I was already cut open when he came in. Jerimiah later said that he saw parts of me right then that he never wants to see again.

Finally I heard someone say 8:26 baby girl born, it seemed like hours went by until I heard her cry. Then someone else shouted 8:27 baby girl born, and it took forever for her cry to be heard. The relief from just hearing those cries brought tears to my eyes. The third baby was born at 8:28 and I never heard her cry. It seemed like hours between that 3 minute span.

A nurse came over to tell us all the babies needed respiratory assistance and would be on CPAP for a little while. They asked Jerimiah if he wanted to come spend a few minutes with the babies before they took them to the NICU. He didn't want to leave me but I nodded for him to go. He went and got pictures and stats on all the girls. He was even allowed to cut Sophia's cord.

Biggest to smallest:
Sophia Irene, 6 pounds and 14 ounces, 19 inches
Meredith Jane, 6 pounds and 1 ounce, 19 inches
Penelope Ann, 5 pounds and 14 ounces, 18.75 inches

I was able to see only Penelope before they were all rushed off to the NICU. I told Jerimiah to go with them, I couldn't stand the thought of my babies alone. I was finally breathing again.

I was taken to recovery, which was supposed to normally take only an hour, but I was there almost 2 and still so numb I could not even wiggle a toe. I immediately asked for a breast pump, but they said I ad to wait for lactation. They eventually rolled me into labor and delivery to continue recovery. The nursing instructor came in and told me she wanted a student nurse to follow me and the babies around and do whatever I needed for the day. I immediately sent her to find Jerimiah and my phone so I could atleast see pictures of my babies. I was also allowed to have visitors so I immediately asked for Issy. I wanted to see him and tell him I was ok. I know he was worried. He was scared and wanted to know momma was ok. He had been in the NICU and fell in love with his sisters already. He was scared to touch them. He said Penelope would wiggle and squirm when he would talk to her, like she used to in my belly.

Finally about 12 noon I started being able to wiggle a toe, but I was in immense pain. They did not give me morphine or duramorph due to previous issues with morphine, so I was given a dilaudid pump to help with pain management. It worked pretty good as long as I remembered to stay ahead of the pain by pushing it even if I wasn't hurting yet. I asked a dozen more times for a pump or lactation to come by.

Around 1 they said I could go back to my regular room to finish recovery. They called the NICU to see if there was room to roll my bed in there so I could atleast see my little Sophia and Meredith. There was room and so we headed torwards the NICU!

I only got a glimpse of Meredith in her isolette from my bed. The nurse surprised me and brought my Sophia to me so I could hold her. I was extremely happy and so emotional.

I finished recovery in my room. It was around 6 or 7 before I could get up and get into a wheelchair to go back to the NICU to see my girls again.

Week 35: The last week of pregnancy for me.

So the final week is here. This still does not seem quite real to me. I cannot believe I am about to be a mother to 5!!!! children. I never pictured myself having this many kids. It really just does not seem real that there are 3 babies inside me. Right now I have 4 heartbeats, 40 toes and fingers, 4 brains, 8 eyes and ears and it is just so hard to believe. One thing I have heard from many moms of triplets is that it does not quite sink in until you and your babies are home. While in your belly you cannot quite grasp the magnitude of things and most have to stay in the NICU and so you still feel like they are not quite yours. I pray that the time here has bought them as little time in the NICU as possible and they get to go home with me.

Surgery details: I am scheduled Tuesday 7/22 at 8:30 AM. I plan to be up at 6:30 to shower and let Jerimiah run down and get a quick breakfast. At 7 AM they will come into my room and start doing prep, and they plan to have me into OR and ready by 8 AM. They said I should be back to my room by noon assuming everything goes as planned. I am sure I will go pretty quiet afterwards for a bit, as I recover. I know my Facebook will get updated more than here initially, since I can post smaller mini updates there.

Tuesday I saw Dr. P. I was really honest with her as I have been about my depression and history of post-partum depression with Allen. It is hard because my PCOS condition requires hormonal therapy and metformin to balance my hormones and keep my emotions stable, but you cannot breast feed on those. She suggested Zoloft to help, she said that up to 200mg (50mg is starting dose) it is safe to breastfeed on it. She warned it will not help as much as going back on my PCOS medications, but it may help curb some of the depression until I can go back on them. The current plan is to start that after birth. I also had Jennifer from TMoTT come out and visit me today. I have to say I absolutely love everyone I have met through TMoTT. Between TMoTT and my Facebook triplets group I have managed to keep my sanity this pregnancy. I think it has helped validate how I feel and make me feel like so much less of a freak show! There are only 7 days to go! I finished off the Sopranos (all seasons), Sons of Anarchy (all seasons), and caught up on all my other shows.

Wednesday Dr. Be was here. He said as of right now we are looking good for Tuesday 7/22 still. He said that he is on duty again Sunday (through Monday morning) and he will make sure all my preoperative orders go in. Sue brought the kids up here to see me super early. Issy was not very well behaved and did not want to listen. I also was not feeling so great that early and I was not in a good mood at all. My nurse came to me in tears after lunch. She made a medication error on me. Luckily it was my heparin, which they can counteract if they needed to. She gave me 10cc instead of the 5cc that I was supposed to have, the doctors decided to just skip my night dose for now. Tony at MFM was on vacation again, but he sent one of the techs from his office over (a day early.) She was originally only going to do a BPP, but I asked her if she had time to scan for growth. I told her I was dying for an estimate. She estimates these weights from a quick scan: Sophia (A) at 7 lbs, Meredith (B) at 7lbs 1 oz, and Penelope (C) at 5lb 12 oz. I was totally shocked at those numbers, but I do hope they are pretty accurate. It would mean a greater chance of no NICU time, especially for A and B. Sophia is head down again, but Meredith is trying to push her out of the way. Meredith was sitting between breech and transverse on and right next to Sophia. Penelope really has a penthouse to herself at this point, and she is stretched out across the top all by herself. Jerimiah came up to spend time with me and we had dinner downstairs. The food at Au Bon Pain Cafe is so wonderful! Not sure I would have made it this far without it. Jerimiah stayed late to finish up season 7 of Criminal Minds.

Thursday morning I saw Dr. W again. It was just a slow day. I have been nauseated really bad the last few days and needed phenegren around the clock almost. Even with the medication I am throwing up about half of what I eat. Delores (one of my favorite nurses) came to see me! I didn't have any visitors today. I mostly slept the day away. Sleeping the day away is great, but it means sleep is harder to come by at night.

Friday morning my contractions woke me up around 3 (after lying awake until almost 2!) I tried drinking water and re-positioning etc. Finally at 5 I had to get my Procardia and I was hurting enough to want the Percocet again. I had the most intense craving for Sam's Club cheese pizza. That is one of my all time favorite pizzas. I saw Dr. Ba and he said just hang tight and if it gets worse to have the nurse update Dr. S. Natalie showed up about 11 and all my contractions completely stopped. The girls decided to behave for her. I had a good visit with Natalie and the boys, then they headed on home for nap time. I had a talk with Jerimiah, catching up with him about stuff. His work is a cause for some major stress due to issues with management and its completely out of his control. We cannot afford for him to be out of work, which he was 2 days last week and not by choice. Praying it resolves itself quickly, because we just cannot afford it. Natalie came back up and spent the night with me. She had me laughing so hard I had to change clothes within an hour of her getting here! She gave me another pedicure and my feet felt absolutely amazing. I missed my partner in crime sooooo much. We watched the Book of Eli, which Natalie had never seen before. It is one of my all time favorites.

Saturday Natalie got up and went off to work. Dr. S came by to see me. I begged him to roll me on back and take care of my c-section. Hey, at least I made him laugh! I slept a good portion of the day. I had some Procardia and Percocet again. Contractions are so very painful at this point. I called to see how Issy's football sign ups went, but Issy told me he did not want to play this year. He said that he felt practice and stuff took up too much of his time and contributed to his struggles at the beginning of last year. He said he wants to focus on doing better in school. I was surprised by the very mature decision making on his part. I told him if he was doing well and wanted to play basketball or baseball we would do everything we could to give him that chance. Jerimiah came up and spent Saturday night with me. We watched some shows and just hung out.

Sunday morning Dr. R came in to do rounds. She said she was going to stop my heparin. It was unexpected but it made me soooo happy. I was so sick of shots in my stomach. The nurse had a hard time finding the babies and they had to call in Dr. Be to check on them. He did an ultrasound and found them immediately. He said they were looking good. Pam from my MOPS group stopped by to bring me lunch and visit after church. We literally talked for hours. For several hours I forgot I was trapped here. It was such a blessing to spend time with her. Meredith's heart rate was jumping way up so they had to call Dr. Be to come back again and check them out later in the afternoon. It was after 9 when she left and I crashed not too long after.

Monday Dr. Be did rounds. He got all my pre-operative stuff squared away. Penelope from anesthesiology came by to do their work up on me. Sue brought the boys up here and I got some great snuggle time in with Allen again. Issy was so sad and did not want to go back home. I had to take some medicine for nausea, which has made me loopy. I have officially started to freak out. I saw 2 other people form anesthesiology who came in to verify information from earlier. I managed to finish up the stack of paperwork for the pediatrician and got all their online forms completed as well. Overall I was very productive, when I really wanted to just run away and hide somewhere. I did not have a very good nurse today either. My day just started out all wrong. Jerimiah came up to stay the night. I skipped dinner tray again because he was supposed to be here earlier, but he ran late and I was starving by the time he made it. We are getting ready to roll downstairs for dinner.

I cannot believe I go to bed tonight a mom of 2 and tomorrow I will be a mom of 5. I just pray my time here has helped my girls grow enough that they will be strong and able to come home with me. It is my biggest fear that I will have to leave even just one of them here when I go home.

Week 34: Still pregnant, Still hospitalized

34 weeks. This was a goal I never really thought I would make. This week was a mostly quiet week compared to last week. I had a few visitors and such. I was a little more sad because I did not get near as much time with Jerimiah as I usually do, because Natalie was gone to HSP (Highland Service Project.) This is the first year I didn't go to family night at HSP to celebrate with her, so that felt bad too.

Tuesday was really my quietest day. Dr. P came by and checked me out. Issy had allergy shots and had a really severe reaction that required his inhaler. I found out about it hours after it happened, when I called Jerimiah at like 8 to see how Issy like VBS. Needless to say he did not make it out to VBS. His breathing was better, but the reaction site had swollen from his shoulder to his elbow and several inches across. I hate not being there when one of my boys does not feel well.

Wednesday I saw Dr. Ba, he was concerned my platelets had went from the 220's to the 160's in just a couple of days. Under 150 is considered bad, so he wanted to keep an eye on it. Other than that he said everything looked pretty good. Sue brought the boys up to see me and then took them to HSP family night. It was good to see them. I even got to see chief TH for the first time since I was admitted. I don't think he likes hospitals very much. Jerimiah came by after work (TH dropped him off) and we spent some time together before he had to head home. As usual the time passed by too quickly. It is funny how much I wanted my space and to be left alone at home, and now I just crave time with Jerimiah and my boys. This experience has given me a new appreciation for my family.

Thursday I cannot remember which doctor I saw. I did have my weekly BPP. As usual all girls passed with flying colors. It took less than 20 minutes for all 3 from start to finish (the first time took over and hour!) A still has "generous fluid levels", but B and C have dropped down to the normal range. Jerimiah stayed home with Allen, because he said he was running a low grade fever and not feeling well again. My blood sugar started to run low lately. It has been running in the 70's with me eating whatever I feel like (including 2 cans of regular ginger ale or soda per meal.) Issy made it back to VBS tonight, and he was super thrilled and excited to be there. Pastor Eldrick came by to see me and he prayed with me again. One of my favorite nurse tech's Lourdes took me down to the nice Cafe here and I got a sandwich that was super tasty. I just cannot take anymore plain turkey or peanut butter crackers anymore.

Friday I saw Dr. H, no big changes. My platelets had went up to the 180's so that was good. Sue brought the boys to see me again, and we were rolling around the hospital when Sue said hey there is Tommy and Jerimiah. I was like what? No way, are they here on a call? Jerimiah was trying to sneak in to see me, but we caught him! He and the boys stayed a few hours. Allen was sleepy so he crawled in bed with me to watch Wreck It Ralph on my laptop and snuggle. During this time he leaned way back more than a dozen times and gave me big wet kisses. I posted the picture of one of them on Facebook, but my blogger app on my phone kind of sucks and won't let me post correctly here. Jerimiah left in time to get Issy to VBS and then he took Allen on an adventure. They went to Tractor Supply and Jerimiah let Allen hold a small rubber mallet style hammer, which of course Allen did not want to give up. My Hammer. Lowes did not have the stuff he needed to finish off the must have before baby is home things (HATE Lowes of Wilson for their lack of keeping things in stock.) Sarah and Andy came by for dinner and brought very tasty pizza. It was so nice to hang out with them. Really took my mind off being here. They are such awesome friends! I really hate we do not live closer where we can see them more. It is funny because the hospital I am in is somewhere around 10-12 blocks away from them on the same road, so super close.

Saturday Dr. R came to see me and she did a pap smear for the group b strep test. I was super bad at recording that this week! Hayley came by for a visit and to bring me the 3 pretty baby hats she crocheted. She stayed for a while working on knitting a shawl. She also went and got me a tasty sandwich. We spent a good time talking and just hanging out. Not much else happened other than me literally sleeping every minute of the day (other than Hayley's visit.) I was just so exhausted.

Sunday I saw Dr. Ba again. He was shocked at how large my belly had gotten in just a few days. He said at this point if anything starts to go wrong they would want to deliver me right away. I slept most of the day until Jerimiah came up around 4pm. He brought me clean clothes so I could take a shower. I usually take one in the mornings, but was out of PJ's to wear. He also bought me new shorts in the style I liked and a new night shirt set. We went downstairs to the cafe and had dinner. I was really impressed with the hot black angus roast beef sandwich I chose. I could only eat half, it was a monster! We went back upstairs after eating and watched some Criminal Minds. We are still on season 7, so we have more catching up to do on it. during our second episode I started having really painful contractions about 10 minutes apart. Dr. W was in a delivery so they gave me my procardia to try and get them stopped. 2 hours later they were coming faster and harder. I was having headaches that got worse and each contraction would make me see spots. My blood pressure was elevated, especially considering the amount of procardia they had given me (148/86 was the last one they took.) The procardia usually drops me down to 20-30 points on each number, which is why they cannot give it to me without taking my blood pressure first. The contractions continued and Jerimiah stayed with me until the doctor came in around midnight. She checked my cervix and it was no change, but she saw the contractions and how much pain I was in and decided to give me Percocet to help me get through the night. It was sooooo nice to not have extreme pain in my hips, I felt like I could go run a marathon. I cried for a long time after Jerimiah left. I knew he would want to stay if he saw me crying, so I held off and was strong until he was gone.

Monday around 4:30-5am the pain was back. The contractions had also sped up to 5 minutes apart. Dr. W said it was no point to check my cervix again this soon, but she saw they were painful and more frequent so she extended the Percocet order to 1 every 4-6 hours PRN for pain. She was very nice and understanding, but I am so tired of being in pain. Even with the Percocet my contractions are strong enough to keep me awake. I got literally no sleep all night, and the Percocet makes me feel so high, I doubt I will be able to sleep much today (until I crash and burn.) I had one of my favorite nurses Melissa today. I can totally talk to her for hours. She is so much like me! My dear friend Devon, who I haven't seen in MONTHS came out to see me while they were in Raleigh for the day. It was so nice to spend time with her! We went down to the cafe and ate a quick dinner, which hit the spot for me! Issy had a dentist appointment and he has a new cavity. You really have to stay on him about brushing and flossing. He really hates flossing especially. Allen threw up in Target with Natalie yesterday, and some lady was rude to her about it. I also had to sit down and try and juggle parts of the family coming out to see the babies. Some parts just do not get along, but also Issy is not comfortable around certain people and so I try and work around that. Issy is old enough I respect his feelings and him feeling safe is my main priority in any situation. It is so hard, because while I want a relationship with that part of my family, I have to juggle and stress about hurting people's feelings to try and schedule stuff. It is so stressful. :(

Well it is 7 days until the big day. I am going to try and keep this upcoming week's post very up to date so I can post it Monday night. 7/22 will deserve it's own special post.

Week 33: Still in the hospital, 2 weeks to go!

So confession time: I have not written a single word on the blog until now, Tuesday July 8th. This week has just been exhausting. I am not able to eat enough calories to satisfy my caloric needs and I have not been sleeping very good at all. The combination leaves me feeling like a zombie most days. I have to stay up since they are coming back in here in 35 minutes or I would probably be asleep right now.

Tuesday Dr. P seemed to have no clue what I was talking about when I asked her if my c-section got scheduled. It was a major disappointment. I kind of wanted that end date in sight. She did agree to let me switch to heparin, which they would do anyways around this time. I take it twice a day instead of once, and it burns way less. I seriously remember nothing else about this day. I feel like I am missing something important here.

Wednesday morning around 1 am I felt fluid dripping. Dr. S thinks baby A's membranes may have ruptured, but she still had plenty of fluid and this was a very tiny trickle. I had to have an NST done so that they could make sure she was not in distress. Contractions were 3 minutes apart for what seemed like forever (actually 3 hours.) It was a long and exhausting night. My good friend Kelly came to see me. It was such a relief to talk about something other than the babies. The nurses and staff here seem to only want to talk about the triplets: how they were conceived, names, how I felt finding out, etc. I was so happy to talk about life outside of here, it still exists!!!

Thursday I saw Dr. Be when he came on shift. He let me know they have scheduled me for 7/22 for my c-section. It will be early in the morning, he said usually they try to have scheduled sections done between 5 and 6 am, but we will not have an exact time until closer to the date. All the girls passed their BPP's with flying colors again, so they are looking really good. I requested another Neonatal consult since we had passed 32 weeks and had our end date in sight. Dr. Perricante gave good odds if they were to be born now at 32 weeks: full term survival rates, 2-4 days of O2 via nasal cannula, they would start breast milk right away with IV to supplement until they could eat enough, jaundice would need phototherapy usually around a week, and a total NICU stay of around 2-3 weeks. Even better were the odds for 35 weeks: NICU or standard nursery for 24 hours for observation, but if no issues they will room in and go home with us! Noah and Beth were in town and they came by to see me. I miss them sooooo much. I was so happy to get to see them! I also had to have a cardiovascular scan done because I had pain in my left calf. A blood clot would only have meant upping the blood thinners, but it turned out to not be a blood clot. I have decreased flow due to babies on my vena cava, but no clots. Jerimiah came and had dinner with me to celebrate our anniversary. He brought Hibachi, since that is what we always have on our anniversary. His mom sent a beautiful arrangement of flowers from her yard and mine. They were just stunning. Natalie baked me some homemade turtle brownies that were just to die for! Jerimiah spent the night with me again. Neither of us seemed to sleep very good that night (which usually the nights he stays are our best nights together.)

Friday morning I saw Dr. Be again before he left for the day. There were no major changes in anything, so he said just keep cooking these babies. Sue and Natalie brought the boys up around lunch time, and they took just Issy back with them. They were going to go fix dinner for the 4th and have a pool party at our house. Allen surprisingly was very cooperative and sat in his stroller eating graham cracker "cookies" for over an hour. He also had the longer "the ride" ever. Jerimiah took us all over the place. It was nice to see new things. Allen's favorite part was the bubble wall in the children's wing.

Friday night was a nightmare, just seriously a complete nightmare. The nurse came in and woke me up to listen to the babies. She brought me a snack with my medicine since I am supposed to eat with my metformin. I was just finishing my food when my foot started itching. I pulled back the covers and found a bug on my foot. I had never seen this kind of bug so I killed it without destroying it too much. I took a picture while waiting for the nurse to come back in. she called the charge nurse who took it to maintenance to determine what kind of bug it was. Next thing I know 3 people including the charge nurse come back in my room in full protective gear like I have the plague. The charge nurse then informed me it was a bed bug. An actual bed bug. I sat there kind of stunned for a minute. She then said "Well it was not here before you, so you or one of your visitors must have brought them in with you." I just sat there stunned. They started going through all of my things. Anything that was fabric or anything they could not sanitize was double bagged or trashed. I was so humiliated. Contractions were picking up so they gave me my normal 10mg of Procardia around 1am. Repeatedly this charge nurse kept insisting that it was my fault that these bugs were here. I was made to take a shower with them in here, they took my clothing as soon as I got in and once I was done and dry they gave me a hospital gown. The "one size" underwear did not fit me, so I was just left exposed feeling. I was immediately taken to another room, with the little bit of stuff they let me keep. I was so upset by this point (almost 2 AM) my contractions were less than 2 minutes apart and my blood pressure the highest its ever been (158/97!!!!) The doctor told them to give me another 20mg of Procardia. Sometime around 4am they settled down and I actually dozed off, only to be woken up at 6 by the Dr. H. He checked my cervix, and thank God there was no change. I honestly hope I never see that nurse who was the charge nurse again. I feel such rage and anger at how she humiliated me.

Saturday I had one of my favorite nurses Delores. She reminds me of my mother in so many ways. She helped me work past some of the issues I was having. She put a do not disturb without seeing nurse sign on my door to minimize traffic in and out. Sue (my mother-in-law) came up here to bring me some of my clothes and collect all my "contaminated things." Jerimiah was too upset and we were worried how he would react if he were the one to come. She spent some time with me. I hadn't eaten anything since dinner the night before (it was after 1pm when she got there.) Depression really hit me hard. I had been feeling ok emotionally until the incident the night before. I really hadn't even noticed that I didn't eat. I didn't feel hungry and my tummy wasn't growling so I really just kind of forgot about it. Sue wouldn't leave until I ate. I ate a cup of pudding and dinner was coming in. Just as I started to try and eat dinner, they came to tell me that my new room was ready. They moved me back into a big room since it was now unoccupied. Sue stayed a little longer and helped get me situated into my new room. She then collected all of my things from the infested room and took them home. I took 10mg of ambien to help me sleep and slept almost 8 full hours! That's more sleep straight through than I have gotten in MONTHS!

Sunday I met Dr. R for the first time. She was returning off maternity leave. She went over all my records and was very thorough. She ordered me a TDaP booster, since I had not gotten one yet. She also said we needed to get a GBS culture done, since I also missed that (they usually do them 32w in office.) She said if one of the other doctors didn't get it this week she would do it when she got back in on Friday. It was nice to finally meet her. Jerimiah made it to church and picked up my bags I ordered for the diaper bags. He said they are "cute and girlie." Sheila from my MOPS group stopped by to see me. I didn't realize she worked here. I was asleep when she came in so it took me a minute to recognize her. I still haven't caught back up from my crazy nights this last week. Ms. Finch and Danny (the Duke intern for BUMC) also came by to visit me. We prayed before they left. I was actually awake when they got here. Most of the time when no one is in my room I am passed out, so that was kind of a shock.

Monday I saw Dr. S, secretly he is my favorite of all the Dr's. He said just keep hanging on. Right after lunch time Sue brought the boys and Grandma up to see me. It is kind of sad McDonald's food is actually delicious compared to what they serve here (and I used to hate McD's!!!) While they were on the tail end of their visit I received a surprise visit from Gary Combs (our pastor at WCC.) He had just gotten back from Uganda and was "pushed out" by all the prep for Fire Island VBS. It was nice to see him and to pray. Mostly my prayers have been for Natalie and Sue caring for the boys (especially Sue as I know it is hard on her) and for Jerimiah. He just does not handle stress very well. Where as I am the one to buckle down and accomplish more under stress, he is the one to go hide and get nothing done. This works really well when we are together as a team, but with me here I know he is not doing very well. He doesn't really sleep at night and what sleep he does get is troubled. Issy did enjoy VBS @WCC. Unfortunately the video of them singing caught him playing on his iPod which was not supposed to even be at church. (sigh)

Another week down. 14 days until I get to meet my babies (assuming they cooperate!) We do have a full moon on the 12th, which is when I went into real full blown labor with both Issy and Allen. Hopefully the girls are not as attracted to the moon! Struggling to keep my head up still. Depression like this has not been an issue since I was a teenager. I really am trying to pull myself out with prayer and faith, but I am struggling. I usually am not so inclined to share the emotional struggle, but it is real and it is part of this experience.

Week 32: From the hospital, still

So I am starting this post and going to try and add my daily little updates. I am hoping I stay pregnant through this whole week, but if not my husband can publish it early and you will know how far I made it. A new separate post explaining birth will be posted as soon as one of us are able to.

Tuesday Dr. H came in and examined me. He said that the size of my uterus and babies is enormous against my vena cava and its is causing drastic shifts in my blood pressure as the babies or myself move. He said the enzymes are still at levels we just need to continue to monitor. He said that it is only likely to get worse form here on out, but now that we are working onto 32 to keep in mind that we will not go past 34 weeks. I had a very nice visit with Eliza from MOPS and her 2 children today. They stayed for quite a while and we had such a nice visit. We talked about MOPS and the needs that they have this upcoming year. She also said that when I am able to get out and about with the girls that they would love for me to come back and would help getting the girls in and out of there. Baby Eleanora was so adorable and sat on my lap for a long time. Shortly after they left my friend Katie came up with her daughter Addy and we also had a wonderful visit. Katie is only 2 weeks from her due date, cants wait to see what she is having! I cannot tell you how nice it is to have visitors coming to see me. I feel way more hopeful just by seeing my friends and family.

Wednesday my liver enzymes went down in numbers, although the doctors are kind of baffled as to why. Dr. P said things were looking pretty good. My friend Angie and her baby Gabby came to see me. Gabby is such a happy baby. It is so nice to have a triplet mommy as a friend so I can ask my 5 million questions and also have someone who has been there and totally gets everything I am going through. Between Angie and my triplet moms due 2014 group, I have kept my sanity mostly intact during this pregnancy. My little Allen was very sick and had to be brought to the emergency room. The closest children's emergency room just so happened to be at the hospital I am in. He was running a fever of 104.3 when he got here and he was lethargic. Natalie said he had thrown up all over the back of the van just as the fever hit him. He was crying for me from the time they pulled up here, he recognized that this is where momma was. I had my nurse tech bring me down to see him. I sat in the ER with him and he rode back up to my room with me. Once he saw me there was no way he was not going to do "the ride, the ride." He only agreed to leave mommy when Natalie told him they were going to see grandpa. Grandpa is the best thing in the world to Allen. Jerimiah stayed with me after they left and we watched some TV shows and ate dinner together. MOPS group had given us an Applebee's gift card, so we placed a curbside to go order and did the 2 for $20. It was a much needed decent meal after tons of fast food and hospital food. We were both so worried sick about Allen. I had to cancel seeing my friend Bess, which made me really sad. She was supposed to come and visit, but we were still stuck in the ER at the time she was going to come.

Thursday was a pretty down day. My liver enzymes went down some more, which we have no idea why. Dr. W said we would pull a few more panels just to watch and keep an eye on it. It is good for the babies though, it buys them more time in the oven. Tony did my BPP and growth scan. the babies are: 5lb 3oz, 5lb, and 4lb 6oz. They all were 8 out of 8 passing the BPP with flying colors. The entire day was spent sleeping off and on. I did have some different staff taking care of me, and I was pretty irritable about some of their questions and comments. One nurse said to me "Are these babies IVF?" I replied truthfully "No they aren't." She then came back with "Well that makes these babies miracles then!" I was completely floored. Like if they were IVF they would not be miracles. Any woman who has struggled and then had to resort to IVF would feel completely different. I struggled getting pregnant, but never had to go so far as IVF, but my heart goes out to women who have and this nurse's comments just rubbed me the wrong way. Saturday evening I got a call out of the blue from my friend Hayley, she wanted to know if she could come visit. It was great to see her, and we rolled downstairs and grabbed some of the wonderful coffee from the coffee shop here.

Friday morning Dr. W was still in and she said we were going to change blood draws to twice a week since I was doing so well now, 1 number was back into normal range and the other was just outside it. She also said baby a had polyhydroaminos (too much fluid, like Allen had.) The lab blew out my vessel drawing blood at 6am, she also did not knock and turned on every light in my room (and then left them on....) So yeah it was a rough start to my day. Natalie and Sue brought my little guy up to see me. He still isn't feeling the greatest, but he sure knew when the wheelchair came in for "the ride, the ride." We rode around a little bit, but came back earlier than normal because he had an appointment at his pediatrician. Turns out he has a double ear infection. Poor little guy, but hopefully he will start to get better after the round of antibiotics. My friends Sabrina and Christy came out, along with Christy's boys. They surprised me with Panera Bread and a bag of goodies. It was so great to see them and spend time with them. They all got to feel the babies move and hear them on the monitor before they left. It was nice to relive some of the older days and just enjoy the company. Hayley also came back by for another visit. Then Jerimiah surprised me by coming out and spending Friday night with me. I definitely had a very full day.

Saturday morning Dr. Ba came in and he said all was looking good. My liver enzymes are completely back in the normal range, by blood pressures seem to have gone down even more, and my monitoring is all showing great progress for the babies. He mentioned that at this point we would aim for 34 weeks (7/15.) My friend Shannon came by with not only a basket full of goodies from the DuSablons, but baskets form several of my friends from Wilson. I was completely shocked. I realized just how truly blessed I am with amazing friends. Everything that everyone is doing for me and for our family brings tears to my eyes.

Sunday Dr. H was in and he again said we needed to look at getting on the schedule for around 34 weeks. I was hoping for a little longer than 34, because at 35 the babies have alot better chances of coming home with us, and needing little to no NICU time. Issy came by with my dad and nephew Jordan. My dad was bringing Issy back from the week at his house. They brought me dinner from Wendy's. We had a pretty good visit, I missed my big boy sooooooo much.

Monday Dr. Be was here. He wanted to know if we had a scheduled c-section date yet. I told him we did'nt and he said since everything had kind of cooled off and the pre-e was well controlled we could push for 35 weeks. He said he wanted to talk to Dr. P, who was coming on duty and if she agreed that 35 was the best then he would have her get it on the schedule. So ready to have a final end date in sight. I feel like I have been here forever and having a goal to get to would make me feel so much better. Jerimiah came up for a while and we had a very good visit. He brought me dinner that Natalie cooked. It was soooooo good. I ate and showered, then we rolled out to the coffee shop downstairs. We got our coffees (decaf for me) and sat in the courtyard outside in the nice cool air. We sat for a while, until the mosquitoes started biting bad, then we came back upstairs and watched a few shows before he headed home.

32 weeks. This was the milestone they wanted me to reach when they admitted me. It is hard to believe it is here already. I cannot wait for my end date goal. Once I have that I have to have my nurse page neonatology for another consult. Dr. Kicklighter has said if we made it to 32 we needed another sit down to discuss current prognosis for delivery and final prognosis if we make it to the scheduled date. Being here is wearing me down, emotionally and physically. The doctors say the physical is more to do with the pregnancy than where I am though. I pray daily for strength and faith. While I am not afraid at all I struggle with other negative emotions: sadness, anger, doubt, and helplessness. I am going to try and let these go this week. They certainly aren't doing me any good.